Zumba, A German and an STD....

A few weeks back San Diego and I went with my cousin and some of her friends to a mutual friend's 30th birthday party. It was at Ned Devine's in Fanuil Hall Boston. I really swing to Ned Devine's they always have great bands that cover a variety of music. Although the alcohol tends to be more on the pricey side for me it's worth it for a more normal crowd some good dancing and good music. Since there was abotu 10 of us the birthday girl decided to give us all "Birthday" beads and candy necklaces we all wore it also was a good snack in the night of drinking and a good way to keep track of the party for getting out of Boston at the end of the night. You leave no man behind! Anyways during this night of girls having fun and making on the extremely hot band San Diego and I started to dance with this man Mario and his friend Mike. Mario continued to ask me what his name was and I would be like Mario why because I was not that intoxicated and although I am blonde I'm not a moron. I think Mario kept asking me this to see if he could sleep with me at the end of the night. Alas - I always remembered his name. That night I also met a man named Shannon and another man named Leigh who claimed to be an academy trainer. I think he may have been a janitor at the academy but there was no way that he was a trainer. First, he was smaller then San Diego who stands at 5 feet 1 inch and he was manorexic. There was no way unless he trained as a parking cone he was a police academy trainer. Later in the evening when I ditched Mario and his friend Mike I was dancing with my cousin and this man in black who was very tall came up and started to gyrate his unit into my bum. Although I often to my crazy bum dance I do not enjoy a boner in my ass dry humping me through my jeans. But being that I was not intoxicated I felt I could get away from the creaton on my own and did not have to call a code orange. Code Orange is basically when I just scream orange and San Diego comes to help me. Well I grab on to my cousin and hump her bum try to get away from the man. But before he lets me go he does a "courtesy" grab on my boob and goes away. After that when San Diego was getting a sausge she started to talk to this man. Come to find out he's German. I tell San Diego we gotta go and it's time to catch our cab she tells me that she is talking to a German. I then retort with don't that German courtesy grabbed my boob! We then caught our cab which while waiting to catch a cab San Diego talked to some Aussie's she typically seeks out men only with accents it's kind of her thing. That Monday when San Diego and I went to Zumba we chatted often about our German, the Aussie's and the man with the girl name. But this Zumba class was not the typical Zumba class on Monday nights. We had two new women in the class. Both in their 40's one looked normal and the othe screamed white trash. I often have distain for new people in Zumba it makes the class go slower and now I have less time to talk to San Diego and our little Zumba friends to chat about the weekend and make fun of those we encounter. Well the normal looking woman looked okay and the white trash lady wore ballet slippers and a wife beater with no sports bra and after a group decision we've decided she was drunk while doing zumba. It's dangerous to zumba in ballet slippers while drunk. And I think she had missing teeth. She also went to the opposite of everyone else and was laughing the whole time. It was very strange being that usually people at Zumba are trying to get some exercise where as I think she thinking she was at Rain after drinking too many gin and tonics. So this weekend was our friend birthday and she wanted to go to the fine establishment called the Estate in Boston beccause some reality show chic was there along with a Bebe Fashion show. Since it is not my birthday I and San Diego said sure why not but we prefer more bars in Fanuil Hall, Fenway or by BU. But we went and we did fourtunatly get in there for free but when we walked in it was a "vagina" festival it was wall to wall vagina's dressed up as if we were in a bad episode of Gossip Girl. Even the lesbian's were dressed up as Chuck Bass. I also saw a really chubby girls cottage cheese ass. I looked at San Diego and literally said "Oh I think I just saw that fat girl's ass." In which she retorted with "Yes, and there were more rolls on that ass then the bakery aisle." This was just not our cup of tea. Especially since San Diego and I are more jeans and black shirt/fancy shirt and heel type of girls. But recently we've been rocking flats much easier to balance on. And our friend the Asian Sensation looks like she's working as one of Tiger Wood's alleged mistresses. Love her to death but that's the best way to describe her. So the three of us did not fit into the vagina festival and their version of Gossip Girl. So we left and went to another wonderful (and I saw that with sarcasm!) establishment called Gypsy Bar. There we barely got in because Asian Sensation was apparently way over intoxicated from pregaming at my apartment and the guy almost didn't let us in. We then got dry humped by some guys on the dance floor and Asian sensation almost dropped her gin and tonic on me and my new Anne Taylor Shirt its the one featured in People Magazine that Ashley Greene from Twilight was wearing. It's a petal shirt and amazing and $88 and my room mate Sarah and I searched internet and Anne Taylor's alike to get me that shirt I regardless of birthday celebrations was not going to have beer spilled on my shirt and bum humped from behind. We then decided at 11:30 that Asian sensation was rather intoxicated and it was best to take her home. We were in Boston for a whole hour and a half. We then took her to PF Changs and made her eat hoping to sober her up some. That did not work and she decided to walk barefoot through the common. She may have hypotitis now regardless of San Diego and I's warnings of to not walk barefoot in the common. During mine and San Diego's venture of getting the Asian Sensation home I received a text from McGee who asked me if I wanted to stay over. Again, we do not have an established booty call or former relationship to establish a reason for a booty call (please see previous post!) so I responded with WHAT?!? He then texts me back as if I did not understand what he meant with : I want you to sleep at my pad. Umm...are you slow? Oh yes you are nevermind. So I respond back with I'm out and I'm helping my drunk friend. He asks if he can help. What are you going to drive from Lynn to Boston and help me walk my drunk friend which I have San Diego to help me with? I think not. I respond with no. He then tells me to call him when I get up. I did not. It was best for me to not stir that pot again. With that I leave you with my last story and I like to think of this one more as a public service announcement as well as just a funny story. Over my time as the MOD (Manager on Duty) weekend for work it was brought to my attention that one of our clients is getting free food vouchers but not because we messed apparently he is sleeping with our slutty night auditor. The one who claims to have been pregnant 3 weeks ago. Apparently that pregnancy did not last and she is off at the gates with her legs wide open. Well she is giving our clients the free food vouchers. Amazing! It was also brought to my attention that this client is booty calling her. AMAZING AGAIN! I bring this to my manager's attention he says that he is going to monitor the free food vouchers going out but it may be best that we let this one go. I was like why? He goes how do I really address that they now have an STD and it's best to get some medication for that? I said true you are very wise what's a few free hamburgers to the life time supply of Valtrex that he will now need. And that my dear reader's is corporate America!