I dear friends...Spray Tan

Yes - I admit it I spray tan. I love the sun and wish I could tan naturally on my own but with my pale skin I only end up getting freckles and a burn even though I wear alot of sunscreen. So to save my skin and not get get wrinkles I try not to go to the tanning salons and tan. Although I do love them. 7 Minutes of an Island heaven! But since I was in the 8th grade I have tried all different forms of self tanners and lotions. And yes I've even done the tanning beds but all I do is end up freckled and no tan. So over the years I have tried every form of professional spray tan there is. I started the professional spray tans verses just using the self tanners at the Makeup department in Macy's in college. My first experience with a spray tan booth was aweful. I broke out from it and looked orange and blotchy. Then after that I tried a new place that had it. It was great it went on clear but then you felt very sticky and the tan didn't show up till the next day so you couldn't see if you streaked or not. Then I started to go to a Body Spa where you stand in your underwear and the lady spray tans you. But this left you look umpalumpa orange for a day and it's very thick on your skin and you kind of smell. Also when it fades away it fades away in clumps and you look like you have that Michael Jackson skin disease. Not a hot look at all. The other day my boss told me that the Tanning Salon in our plaza where our hotel is got a spray tan machine. I perked immediatly tell me more about it! I need to try it! And well I did! I love it! This is the best spray tan formula I've ever tried! There was a little bit of stickiness the intital spray but I used the towel they provide to avoid any streaks and I was fine! I went home and let it settle and showered the next day and I had a nice natural looking tanning. In which my friend Dan was like have you been tanning? Like literal tanning not sprayed tanning. I finally found it! And now I can rest and have a tan summer!

Thank you Lional Richie Thank you!

As some of you may or may not know but San Diego and our groups of friends and I like to go to our local bar and karaoke. We like this for many reasons a.) to make fun of others and people watch and b.) that when we get a few in us as well to go up and sing and look like weirdos. Last night was a special night. There was an incident at the Karaoke bar!!! Last summer I dated this man for about 2 months we broke up. But he broke up with me on Facebook. Last August I logged on to my Facebook account and see his status as just this "Hanging with my new favorite girl Fallon!" Apparently I was no longer his favorite girl. I would find this an acceptable breakup if it weren't for the fact that we are not 21 years old! He's 28 and ownes his own business. Grow up! And grow some balls at Two Months you can at least text me that you don't want to hang out anymore and/or you can just do the blow off and then delete me off of your Facebook. Which was weird anyways since he requested me on Facebook! And up until 2 days prior to that Facebook wall posting he had drunk texted me twice. Back to last night - I'm standing at the bar with my friend Dan and his sister. Because of the show Glee I had been singing Lionel Richie's Hello the entire night to Dan's sister. SO her and I decided we would go up there and sing. After 2 Sam Summer's this was not enough to do a drunken Karaoke but it Lionel was calling me the entire night. As we are waiting to be called to sing Lionel standing in Front of me is Facebook Dousche Bag! I was like OMG it's "Frankie!" I poke Dan. Dan obviously zoned out during the Frankie dating well it was only two months nothing to really zone in on except for the aspect he broke up with me on Facebook. So then I call San Diego over to kind of remind him of Frankie. Anyways the kid turns around looks directly at me and says "hey what's up" I just did a nod head type hi thing and gave a whats up back. Really him getting that was too much. But now I'm freaking out not because I like him but because he's with a new girl obviously not Fallon since she was all over his Facebook from prior posts and I did not want to sing Lionel Richie's HELLO in front of him! So I'm like talking to Dan's sister and I am like I'm going to look at you the whole time. Kind of like a pseudo lesbian love. And she's fine with that since Facebook dousche is in the audience. Well the Karaoke gods or Jesus was on my side because they did not call out our names and I did not have to sing Lionel in front of that bag! Although now I still want to sing my Lionel just not in front of him. For once luck was on my side! I was not going to sing that song in front of that bag when he's like all over new girl. Not that I care but yeah I get that you're with another girl I wasn't going to try to rekindle something! San Diego suggested that we have our friend Dan do a courtesy grab of the boob but that is not an appropriate place for a courtesy grab. And it would not have made sense and Facebook Dousche bag would have known it was a courtesy grab to make him jealous which is not what I wanted to do at all. I wanted to say I've moved on and your a dousche bag but really how does show that with out using the Middle Finger?

This is what a German and a STD from a non German will get ya...

So this post is basically me chiming in on Sunny's previous post (which is all dead on about our recent nights out) but at times, I was not with Sunny so I need to put it out there what else goes on when we hit Boston.

Let me start with our nite @ Ned Devines a few weekends ago and state that me, sunny and the other girls all looked really hot, which is probably why I was successful in my quest to the UN of the dating world by chatting up 1 German and 2 Aussies. What can I say, American men just do not do it for me. I've tasted the international waters and it was very a quinching thurst that only foreign boys can help me out with. One big thing that Sunny forgot was the fact that there was a Snuggy bar crawl taking place in Fanueil Hall that evening (I know, I wish someone totally gave me the memo also *please note the sarcasm*). So we walk upstairs when we first arrive and I see a very large man in a Purdue snuggy with a rubber ducky necklace. Like really buddy, nice way to cockblock yourself. Why? Because I dispise them. Yes, he had a good convo starter, even I talked to him, but the whole convo was me telling him he should have saved his money and bough a bathrobe and wore it backwards. The only cheap thrills in that convo was when he let me squeeze his rubber ducky. Later in the nite, me and the Asian Persusian go to the middle bar since I need a drink and I just cant do bud or budlight, when we come across a very adorable gay man. Now, as much as I loved chatting to this man, I had really set up a good convo starter with 2 men who also had accents! If memory serves me correctly, they were English. Now, I only got to talk to them for a min because our gay friend was hugging us a lot and these 2 English guys thought I was with our new huggy friend. NO!!!!! The universe is trying to cockblock me! Me and the Asian Persusian move back to the backroom to dance and watch the band, where I proceed to get half a beer spilt on 1 boob. Yea, really attractive, I know! We are dancing the nite away when I see Sunny holding her heels in her hands! Apparently some DB tried to fight her (the DB was a guy) so she took them off to battle. It was kind of like watching Bruce Lee. You never knew what kind of jab she'd want to throw! After all has settled, we go back to dancing. The nite ends so we go outside. Now, no matter how many times we tell ourselves we won't buy a sausage at 2am, what do we do? Buy a sausage at 2am. So I'm taking my time putting ketchup on when I decide to ask a random man on a bench if he likes sausages. This man has a very German accent and did not get my pervert joke whatso ever, even though he did complimentary boob grabs to Sunny earlier, which I did not find out about until later! So after I get yelled at for talking to the German Groper, we go to the main road to get a taxi, where I let all the girls find one while I chat up 2 very tall Aussies who noticed I had no coat and it was freezing. They didnt care for sausages. I asked.

Zumba and the crack lady- The white tank lady was beyond being a hot mess. Our Zumba teacher works at a bar/restaurant across the street from my work so I went in to visit her the following day and she was in shock at how bad of a dancer this white tank lady was and our teacher is convinced she was drunk or on something because she not only did the oppositie of what the whole class did, but she was constantly like 5 beats behind everyone. It was basically the only guarenteed thing about this lady cause those ballet flats were sooo wrong on soooo many levels. We all wear sneakers and work out clothes. She rolled out of bed and stole her daughters ballet shoes apparently...for a 7pm Zumba class. AT the end of class, white tank lady goes & tells our teacher, in a very drunk voice, that is she packing for Vegas and won't be in class for a week. Now, I hope she went to Vegas, got drunk, and went swimming in the water show outside the belagio and got arrested and is stuck in a jail like the one in Hangover, where field trips come by and the kids laugh at you. Thankfully she has not returned, but her friend still does. Now her friend is normal and can dance and is also 40, but did a huge TMI at the next class by telling us that her and her hubby just got a hot-tub and like to go out there at 2.30am. Seriously, I dont even know if I would tell my friends about my 2.30am sexcapades everyday, so why would you tell a bunch of strangers? Veryyyy weird!

And our nite at the Estate was a bad scene out of gossip girl. Like I could handle partying with Blair or Serena, but the female Chuck Bass? I think not! Before I went out, I was in bed. I would have been fine rolling out, getting dressed/ looking cute and hitting a bar, but these places are clubs, so it takes more effort. not to mention the place was so crammed, I got many curtosy grabs by men who had no intentions of ever touch my twins, which looked huge thanks to a ny & co belt I borrowed from Sunny. Seriously, I dont know how they got so big. But anyway, we leave and are almost not let into a club because Asian Persiaan is laughin at a joke a guy said. Now, as much as I love to flirt, no man is worth not getting into a club for and doing the walk of shame away from the front door...especially one that is beyond being called a trash bar. The guys in this club were all either stinky, creepy, a combo or both, or clearly have never been laid and felt this bar was where they would meet the woman to change it all (& by the looks of the ladies, he'd probably get a few STD's, which might be the least of his problems since there was obv a roofie epidemic going on somewhere in the city that nite).

Leaving Gyspy, the birthday girl decides to take her shoes off, which resulted in me and sunny telling her that if she does that, she must accept a piggy back ride from one us. Between Sunny's gym sessions with crazy Fiona and me just quitting the supermarket industry where my boss forgot I was the only girl on his staff so gave me the same big boxes meant for men, we are both pretty strong girls. This didnt work. Sunny said she would get hypatitis. This didnt work. I stated that homeless people live in the common and there is glass and needles. This didnt work. So I eventually gave up in that fight. Thankfully we only walked through the public gardens, with no homeless to be seen. Apparently its a little too fancy for them so they stay across Charles st and only sleep in the Commons.

Zumba, A German and an STD....

A few weeks back San Diego and I went with my cousin and some of her friends to a mutual friend's 30th birthday party. It was at Ned Devine's in Fanuil Hall Boston. I really swing to Ned Devine's they always have great bands that cover a variety of music. Although the alcohol tends to be more on the pricey side for me it's worth it for a more normal crowd some good dancing and good music. Since there was abotu 10 of us the birthday girl decided to give us all "Birthday" beads and candy necklaces we all wore it also was a good snack in the night of drinking and a good way to keep track of the party for getting out of Boston at the end of the night. You leave no man behind! Anyways during this night of girls having fun and making on the extremely hot band San Diego and I started to dance with this man Mario and his friend Mike. Mario continued to ask me what his name was and I would be like Mario why because I was not that intoxicated and although I am blonde I'm not a moron. I think Mario kept asking me this to see if he could sleep with me at the end of the night. Alas - I always remembered his name. That night I also met a man named Shannon and another man named Leigh who claimed to be an academy trainer. I think he may have been a janitor at the academy but there was no way that he was a trainer. First, he was smaller then San Diego who stands at 5 feet 1 inch and he was manorexic. There was no way unless he trained as a parking cone he was a police academy trainer. Later in the evening when I ditched Mario and his friend Mike I was dancing with my cousin and this man in black who was very tall came up and started to gyrate his unit into my bum. Although I often to my crazy bum dance I do not enjoy a boner in my ass dry humping me through my jeans. But being that I was not intoxicated I felt I could get away from the creaton on my own and did not have to call a code orange. Code Orange is basically when I just scream orange and San Diego comes to help me. Well I grab on to my cousin and hump her bum try to get away from the man. But before he lets me go he does a "courtesy" grab on my boob and goes away. After that when San Diego was getting a sausge she started to talk to this man. Come to find out he's German. I tell San Diego we gotta go and it's time to catch our cab she tells me that she is talking to a German. I then retort with don't that German courtesy grabbed my boob! We then caught our cab which while waiting to catch a cab San Diego talked to some Aussie's she typically seeks out men only with accents it's kind of her thing. That Monday when San Diego and I went to Zumba we chatted often about our German, the Aussie's and the man with the girl name. But this Zumba class was not the typical Zumba class on Monday nights. We had two new women in the class. Both in their 40's one looked normal and the othe screamed white trash. I often have distain for new people in Zumba it makes the class go slower and now I have less time to talk to San Diego and our little Zumba friends to chat about the weekend and make fun of those we encounter. Well the normal looking woman looked okay and the white trash lady wore ballet slippers and a wife beater with no sports bra and after a group decision we've decided she was drunk while doing zumba. It's dangerous to zumba in ballet slippers while drunk. And I think she had missing teeth. She also went to the opposite of everyone else and was laughing the whole time. It was very strange being that usually people at Zumba are trying to get some exercise where as I think she thinking she was at Rain after drinking too many gin and tonics. So this weekend was our friend birthday and she wanted to go to the fine establishment called the Estate in Boston beccause some reality show chic was there along with a Bebe Fashion show. Since it is not my birthday I and San Diego said sure why not but we prefer more bars in Fanuil Hall, Fenway or by BU. But we went and we did fourtunatly get in there for free but when we walked in it was a "vagina" festival it was wall to wall vagina's dressed up as if we were in a bad episode of Gossip Girl. Even the lesbian's were dressed up as Chuck Bass. I also saw a really chubby girls cottage cheese ass. I looked at San Diego and literally said "Oh I think I just saw that fat girl's ass." In which she retorted with "Yes, and there were more rolls on that ass then the bakery aisle." This was just not our cup of tea. Especially since San Diego and I are more jeans and black shirt/fancy shirt and heel type of girls. But recently we've been rocking flats much easier to balance on. And our friend the Asian Sensation looks like she's working as one of Tiger Wood's alleged mistresses. Love her to death but that's the best way to describe her. So the three of us did not fit into the vagina festival and their version of Gossip Girl. So we left and went to another wonderful (and I saw that with sarcasm!) establishment called Gypsy Bar. There we barely got in because Asian Sensation was apparently way over intoxicated from pregaming at my apartment and the guy almost didn't let us in. We then got dry humped by some guys on the dance floor and Asian sensation almost dropped her gin and tonic on me and my new Anne Taylor Shirt its the one featured in People Magazine that Ashley Greene from Twilight was wearing. It's a petal shirt and amazing and $88 and my room mate Sarah and I searched internet and Anne Taylor's alike to get me that shirt I regardless of birthday celebrations was not going to have beer spilled on my shirt and bum humped from behind. We then decided at 11:30 that Asian sensation was rather intoxicated and it was best to take her home. We were in Boston for a whole hour and a half. We then took her to PF Changs and made her eat hoping to sober her up some. That did not work and she decided to walk barefoot through the common. She may have hypotitis now regardless of San Diego and I's warnings of to not walk barefoot in the common. During mine and San Diego's venture of getting the Asian Sensation home I received a text from McGee who asked me if I wanted to stay over. Again, we do not have an established booty call or former relationship to establish a reason for a booty call (please see previous post!) so I responded with WHAT?!? He then texts me back as if I did not understand what he meant with : I want you to sleep at my pad. Umm...are you slow? Oh yes you are nevermind. So I respond back with I'm out and I'm helping my drunk friend. He asks if he can help. What are you going to drive from Lynn to Boston and help me walk my drunk friend which I have San Diego to help me with? I think not. I respond with no. He then tells me to call him when I get up. I did not. It was best for me to not stir that pot again. With that I leave you with my last story and I like to think of this one more as a public service announcement as well as just a funny story. Over my time as the MOD (Manager on Duty) weekend for work it was brought to my attention that one of our clients is getting free food vouchers but not because we messed apparently he is sleeping with our slutty night auditor. The one who claims to have been pregnant 3 weeks ago. Apparently that pregnancy did not last and she is off at the gates with her legs wide open. Well she is giving our clients the free food vouchers. Amazing! It was also brought to my attention that this client is booty calling her. AMAZING AGAIN! I bring this to my manager's attention he says that he is going to monitor the free food vouchers going out but it may be best that we let this one go. I was like why? He goes how do I really address that they now have an STD and it's best to get some medication for that? I said true you are very wise what's a few free hamburgers to the life time supply of Valtrex that he will now need. And that my dear reader's is corporate America!

One Month from Today...

Today is April 3, 2010 and one month from today I, Sunny, will turn 29 years old. It will be my last year in my 20's and although I have good skin and hair and can pass for a 24 year old I am not looking forward to this birthday at all. For me this is the official downhill of life... Let's start with the first topic of why I am not looking forward to turning 29 well that would be my health. Although I am a healthy person I go the gym four times a week, I work out with a trainer and I Zumba my little heart out with this new universal Healthcare passing I'm listening to my crazy General Manager go on tangents about how now now with Universal Healthcare if we are fat our doctor's are going to tell the government. There's something about sodium and MSG. I thought to myself I already try to watch my sodium intake I work out four times a week what does the government care if I want to dine out at the Kowloon every once in a while. I'll drink lots of water the next day to flush it out. I have a full time job I pay for my own healthcare I pay my taxes let me eat a cheeseburger from BK if I feel like it! Also, there's the fact that as I get older when I go to the doctor's there are more tests, exams and specialists that I have to see. You have to have your moles check, your peek a chew checked, oh you have heart burn oh you have to go to the gastrologist for that. Then there's your family's health history well between both sides of my family I'm so dying from some sort of cancer. Personally I want to go with my self diagnosed hyper anxiety and just stroke out on the treadmill. And I hate when the doctor after the family history portion asks about what you eat, what do you drink, how much do you drink, do you tan, how many sexual partners have you been with. It's like really back in the 40's no one cared if you drank, ate carbs and lots of red meat you had sex you were merry and then you died. I'm really all about that. I'm really about living for life why because everything gives you cancer! It doesn't matter how much I play by the books how much I don't tan or how much red meat or wine I don't drink I am going to die of some sort of cancer! Because everything gives you cancer! It's ridiculous! Every day, every year there's something new to look out for and be aware of and you know what I am done. I am done living by society's rules and if the doctor is going to inform the government that I drink a massive amount of alcohol for my size eat carbs and dine out at the Outback then let Obama know now! I don't care. And I'm telling you right now that when I turn 50 I am not getting a colonoscopy. I don't care if I have colon cancer I will not have someone put a tube up my bum. Not a finger Not a toy Not a boy goes in that hole. Nope. On to the 2nd reason why I do not want to turn 29 this also has to do with a combonation of two things... the first there is no Mr. in my future to be his Mrs. Which leads to children. I do want to reproduce I certainly do not want to die alone. But I do want to find a Mr. in order to do that and as I turn 29 I pretty much know that my fertility is shot. Pretty much my uterus has been dead since the age of 26 but officially it will only drastically drop and make having kids that much harder. And there is no prospect of a Mr. anywhere in sight. The last time I went out my boob was courtesy grabbed by a German man. Really this is what I have to deal with out there in the single world? My uterus is dying all the good men are gay or already married. And I'm 99% sure that at this point I'm going to leave the world with just my cat and a box of letters from a boy who I loved. How sad and not so very Jane Austin of me. Third, I hate my job. I did the right thing I got good grades I went to college I got a job and what do I do pretty much I take orders from people planning parties. I hate it. I don't care about your daughter's baby shower in June and I certainly don't care about your high school reunion in 2011. And it really gets me when people are like why don't you work on Saturday. Yes no I don't I do have a life. Also, I work with morons. My boss is on Facebook all day playing Farmville and most of the front desk staff I think we got from a special needs program. It's great! This is our future of America no work ethic! Half of my front desk staff sleeps with half of the guests at the hotel. I feel like I work in black hole. Oh wait I do. When I was in college I want to be this big PR person and do these events and really be something. Right now I would prefer to be Ron Livingston's charcater in Office Space and just crunch numbers all day and not deal with a single soul. And smash the fax machine! :) But with all that I am really hope for the economy to change to get out of this shit job or this blog to really take off get a book deal and end up on the round table of the Chelsea Lately show! And now I'm off to drink!