FUPA I have a Question for you....

Why are you a dousche bag? And is vaginal odor a constant thing in your life or just since the summer when you became one?

FUPA Hits the Gym

My previous roommate to Sarah was FUPA. As you know from my previous posts that FUPA has some severe issues mentally along with her buldging belly. Apparently unlike when a guy and a girl break up there are no clear rules on the girl break up. I say you should take it like any divorce or break up try to avoid that person in all shapes and forms. For me this is always best because I can be some what tempestious- okay I'm a down right bitch. The high road can be very difficult for me when a person like FUPA gives me so much to not only make fun of but to point out to others and make fun of and to clearly just continue to point out and make that person cry. Also, Sarah has the unfortunate case of working with FUPA. So in order to keep Sarah from getting in the middle I try to avoid FUPA at all costs. Apparently, FUPA is dumb and does not apply the same rules to herself and avoid me at all costs. I belong to a gym. I have belonged to this specific gym for 3years now. It is right next to my work and on my way home from work so that after work I can just go to the gym. This has been my routine for the past 3 years. I am friendly towards much of the staff at this gym and even this past year decided to hire a trainer. I now workout there with a trainer which I highly recomend due to the fact that now I use the machines and weights and have a professional spotting me so that I do not end up killing myself. I don't like to speak to much of the other patrons of the gym due to the fact that I really don't care about them. But, in fact I do enjoy my gym and the staff there. So yesterday after working out with my trainer I am coming out of the locker room and who do I see with her pug like red face and pregnant-esque looking belly - why it's none other than FUPA! In my mind I thought when I walk by her I'm totally going to say "Is somebody here to try to get rid of their FUPA?" But due to Sarah I did not. I just walked by FUPA and said Hi. Clearly taking the higher road for my friend. I then continued to leave and went home in which I then told Sarah of my encounter. In which Sarah brought up some key points the first it's great she's trying to get healthy and lose the FUPA but why my gym there are millions of gyms why not go to a gym that is closer to her current residence? Also, she asked if even at the gym she had a FUPA and I said no she did not her gym pants are elastic and stretch and do not create the FUPA like her American Eagle size 12 when she's an 18 do. Sarah also informed me that my gym is free reign she can not hold me back at the gym if I run into FUPA again. And it's MY GYM I have been a consistant member there for 3 years 4 times a week! I trump FUPA! And I am paying an extreme amount of money for staff members to work out with me I trump FUPA and her use of the treadmill. With that people I grant you this if I do run into FUPA again there will be a snide comment made and then I shall tell you about it! That is my promise to you!

Porno Stash Larry Part Deux

Alas, I have some very sad news - Sarah and I have moved out of our crack shack and into a nice luxury apartment complex. With our move we no longer have our daily glimpse of the shadow that is Porno Stash Larry. *Tear* Anyways, I do have a final story for you and our encounters with the man we have known to love as Porno Stash Larry. The week Sarah and I were moving to our new apartment we could not bring alot of the items we had for instance my gas grill. I asked the boys next door if they would like to have it for their apartment. The of course said yes. A free 1 year old grill is not something to pass on. Anyways - the day I went to ask them about the grill I thought it was James in his truck when I went out and said hey James who turns and looks at me why Porno Stash Larry. I jumped! Why because he at this point was not growing a BEARD!!!! He now has his peach fuzz porn stash and some sort of serial killer beard going on. I was like oh hey Larry! Can you tell James and Sam that they can take the grill anytime along with the lawn equipment here on the back porch. Larry smiles -- his teeth are bright yellow and then says "Sure, Sweetie." I then realize that Larry is not just a porno stash but with the beard the yellow teeth and the "Sure, Sweetie!" along with that and very rarely leaving the house he is clearly a serial killer. And I ran back into the house. Someday Sarah and I will be watching the news and see our friend PSL on the TV and go well we knew it from the beard there was something wrong with him! But for now we bid you good bye! We will miss you!!!!

Why I love Reality TV

I love reality tv for a few reasons. 1- Its entertaining. You can watch a freak show from the comfort of your own house and not have to worry about a stabbing or taking a suckerpunch to the face. 2- It makes you feel better about yourself. 3- Who doesnt like to watch a trainwreck they know they shouldnt watch but cant stop looking at? I have some great examples of these shows that I'm more than obssessed with. JERSEY SHORE Now, just look at this pic. Don't these look like 2 young sophisticated people who got to live in house for free for the summer...and the house was above...a t-shirt shop? Yea, nothing says "I've made it in the world" more than being the iron on boy/girl at the local beach shop. Wonder how many booty shorts they printed "jersey shore" or "seaside" on across the rear ends, which as we all know, is another example of the classy-est clothing out there. These 8 people also gave me my new favorite club/bar move- the fist pump. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will make your friends laugh as hard as when you try to embody the spirit of Snookie and start fist pumping in a bar somenite. It's always a crowd pleaser, even if they are laughing at you, not with you. This is Boston. Not Seaside. Walk around here with a blowout and you'll get a cap in your a$$. And to see how these people think they are walking gods and goddessees is just another level of great entertainment. In one episode, Angelina said she doesnt want to work at the t-shirt shop because "shes a bartender. this is beneath me. i do great things". Now, I love my booze and without bartenders, our bars would be boring, but really Angelina? Its not like your curing cancer behind the bar or anything so get off your high horse. And then we have all their lingo. The battlefield= the dance floor. Grenade= the ugly other friend. The robbery= stealing your friends girl. They might as well just make a websters dictionary "jersey shore" edition! Frank the Entertainer! Atleast I know I wont be living in my parents basement at age 30. Thats really the only good thing about this trainwreck of a show TOUGH LOVE Where do they find these women? Like really, where do they find them? This show has some pretty good producers who really scour the nation for the most trainwrecked, insecure ladies around. I get it that everyone has their flaws and insecurities, but these chicks take it to awhole new level.We just finished season 2 and I felt like I wanted to bitchslap most of the ladies throughout the season. Theres this one broad named Rocky whos basically a fame whore and thinks her 10 yr is the next Mily Cyrus and she thinks shes the next female version of Bret Michaels. Like really, stop dressing like a ra-tard and raise your kid properly. We had Alicia, who is 30 something and only wants to date in their earl 20s. Cougar much?? Liz, who probably had animals living in her beehive. I think she got hair lessons from Amy Winehouse. And Angel, the stripper whos family didnt know she was stripper and Steve made her tell them. Boo ya Steve! And Lets not forget all the great catchy quotes Steve says. My favorite was that a lady shouldnt high five a guy, unless "she wants to have 'just friends' tattoo'd across her fingers" CAKE BOSS If you thought your family was f'd up, you clearly havent seen this show. No family goes from two timing each other to hugging more than the crew at Carlos Bakery in Hoboken, NJ. Now, the fact that its in Jersey should be a dead give away to the classyness that we all know and love about Jersey.

This is what happens when your waitress doesnt fill your wine glass

So a few weeks ago, myself, Sunny, and her roomie Sarah go into Boston for a girls nite of dinner and dessert. We start out at nice little restaurant thats kind of like an upscale-ish American cuisine. The food is always good and its right by the common so its easy enough to get to. Sunny really wanted like 1 glass of wine and the waitress just never came by our table after she had decided upon this. And when she did come by, Sunny always forgot to ask for a glass. It was bad back and forth game. After dinner we head to where we wanted to do dessert, but the place had like an hour and a half wait so we went decided to check out the wait at the dessert place on the other end of the block. Apparently my short irish charm worked and we got a table right away even though the party ahead of us was told there were no tables at all and they had to wait an hour. HAHA! But then the host found a bunch of tables and seated everyone, so my charm didn't come in handy...this time. So the 3 of us are just enjoying the orgy of desserts on the table in front of us when we decide to talk about baby bjorns, but for cats. We proceeded to get into a deep convo of all the perks of one and how we want to purchse one for Sunny to have and put her cat in and go food shopping & how I should tag along and video the whole thing because the world needs to realises cats are kids also. They have just as much right to tag along with mom and dad to the food store like a screaming and kicking kid does. We also feel this can be our claim to fame and get us on People of Walmart but thats just our life long goal anyway. I thought Sunny would have to purchase a baby bjorn meant for a child but put a cat in it..until Sarah sent me this pic the following day: Seriously...this exists? How sick is our society that people want to put a cat in one of these? The damn thing has 4 legs. I can get putting a kid in it as they only have 2 but 4? Jeysuz, thats more than enough to carry the light bodies around!