A Springtime "Ruth" Story

As you all know my room mate Sarah works with my former room mate Ruth. And often Sarah my little spy will email San Diego and I some great stories of Ruth and her personal life. Apparently Ruth and her former flame after the husband in jail have broken up. He realized Ruth was too much for him too fast. And he wore a tuxedo tee shirt. For a retard to wear that kind of shirt and know the Ruth and her FUPA was too much for him - he is a smart man regardless of his tuxedo shirt wearing. A tip of the hat to you my dear sir! Now - more recently Ruth has been back romping it around with her chocolate thunder lover. Apparenty she told Sarah that he chopped off his afro mullet of a pony tail. I was like Kudos to him for leaving 1985. Also on Monday Sarah learned alot of things at work. The first being that Ruth has not only one chocolate lover but two. And the second chocolate lover is like dark chocolate direct from his ethnic country. He probably is one making jungle noises in the background during Zumba songs and then screams ZUMBA FITNESS! Anyways Jungle Jim we shall call him brought Ruth and her FUPA lunch on Monday. When Sarah told me and San Diego this not only did I laugh because Jungle Jim literally smells like the country he is from and Sarah was sitting downwind from him BUT Ruth and her Fupa have done with unimaginable. She has a husband in jail remember folks she had a beautiful ceremony and Concord State and while he's in the clink for the second time recreating the movie Shawshank Redemption she has taken on her lover Chocolate Thunder and now a second dark chocolate lover named Jungle Jim who brings her lunch. I would just like to state for the record that I am a sexy bitch. Hello it was previously stated in the previous blog and by a group of drunk men. Yet I don't have lovers delivering me taco bell mid week. Is the FUPA that enticing that once they stop looking they can't take their eyes away? I guess that is her weapon for the opposite sex. I don't know. But I do know that the husband wrote her a letter and she brought it into work and read it to everyone. Not everyone but pretty much their corner of the office. From the jist of what Sarah got he's found God and he's really sorry for all the shit he put her through. No shocker because he needs Ruth to support him in jail. And I'm sure he misses hugging that fupa on a bi-weekly basis. Stay tuned people because my work is having a Customer Appreciation Party in which Ruth has been invited I have to behave but I'm sure there will be plenty to tell you about. She gets really excited at buffets you know! :)

A night out with a Monchichi and a creeper named Mumbai...

Folks - I have alot to tell you about. May has been a pretty wild and crazy monthy for San Diego and I. But I'm only going to tell you about the past three weekends... Weekend #1 Three weekends ago I went out with my friend Maryellen and her friend Kelly. We went into Fanuil Hall to a lovely establishment called Jose Macs. I had a real craving for Margaritas and ironically there's are delish. And I found out I'm not dying of cancer. Please disregard any previous rants. So I decided to drink it up. I also decided that this would be the night that attempt my fake wedding band set so that creepers of the night would not talk to me. Ironically just the opposite happened!!! So we were there and this creeper came up and asked me why I wasn't dancing with anyone and I was like oh I'm married thinking he would flitter off and talk to someone else. He instead just kept talking to me about how young I was to be married. I was like kid, I turned 29 on Monday my husband (the fictional one) is watching the Bruins game at another bar and I'm out with my friends it's okay to do that we only have a cat. Hoping again that this makes him go away. He does leave me alone but then just moves on to my friend Kelly - pretty much looks horrified at this point and we all agree that his blonde friend looks like Justin Timberlake and we would have no problem if he was drunkenly hitting on us instead of this kid. We decide to leave. We head over to my formerly fav bar Trinity. Trinity was my old stomping ground - I could find drunk love every night in that bar. Make out with some guy and leave him and not worry about anything the next day. Well since the burning down of the old Hong Kong things have changed it was dead in there that night! So we sat at a table drinking our free Bacardi Cherry Torch in order to get free tee shirts and what not. And guess who comes in ... why that would be the bag from Jose Macs! So he started to speak to us again. And this time some kid in a green shirt came over to talk to me about where we got the free drinks and what not and the drunk kid like jumped at green shirt kid and scream that I'm married. In which green shirt kid asked me if I was married to him and I said no. Lesson# 1 Don't wear the fake wedding Band!!! Weekend #2 A bunch of my lady friends and I decided to go out for my birthday. We went to Bell and Hand. Always a good time. I ate 8 jello shots 2 raspberry stoli and sprites and I think 6 beers that night. And I was feeling great. Also there were a lack luster men out that night. As in pretty much I'd rather be alone than with any of them. But apparently I was rubbing my butt up against any man all night. When intoxicated I tend to just rub my butt up I apparently think its hilarious. Also I was hit on by girl she asked me if I thought she was pretty - I looked at her with an odd look and said yes. Because really why are you asking me that? I'm drunk I've been rubbing butts all night why do you care if I think you are pretty well apparently she was a lesbian and I was like ohhh no I'm not into girls I like men. Which I do - I enjoy men very much. And then she whipped her hair in my face which I think was very rude. I then later in the night use my Bud Light bottle for my inappropriate acts and showed my butt and boobs off. I also met a really young kid and spilled his drink. I did also talk to a cute man but his breathe was so bad and I was so drunk I almost vomitted on him - I had to walk away. I woke up the next day dry heaving... Lesson #2 Do not talk to a girl if she asks if they are pretty Weekend # 3 Last weekend was Dan's birthday so San Diego, Dan's sister Chloe, our friend Chris and Sarah my roomate went out for his birthday. We started out at Max n Dylans for dinner. We then went to the bar Sweetwater Cafe because it was a nice New England night and they have a patio you can drink on and people watch. I love to People watch. It's where I get most of my blogging from that and my alcoholism. So - there is a group of young guys to the right of us. And if you've ever been to the Alley in Boston you know that you are surrounded by 3 bars and lines of people it's great entertaiment. Well there was a table of guys to our right and they were yelling at the ladies outside of the Fine establishment Liquour Store they were yelling crude things but the most tame that I can print was Hey Sexy Bitches. Right yes that's going to get you a lady for the night. I was showing Dan's sister my zumba moves and apparently they yelled Sexy Bitch at me. I did not hear this. This is what San Diego told me. So when they walked by San Diego said something like your friend is not going to get anywhere screaming sexy bitch at my friend. And the nice guys who were pretty cute were like oh sorry about him. That's when we notice he not only looked 12 but he resembled a Monchichi. I also stated that kid looks like a Monchichi! Anyways he didn't even make it into the door of the bar and the bouncer kicked him. Aww Monchichi you got kicked out. Basically the next I tell you was like a train wreck that I could not stop watching! Monchici kept trying to get back in the bar. He keeps texting his friends who apparently don't know he's been kicked out or don't care. Also he can barely stand up. Monchichi tries to make a last ditch effort to get back in. And the bouncer pushes him up and out of the alley. The Monchichi the entire time is screaming that he is going to sue. But really the bouncer is only doing his job getting retard drunks out of the way for new retard drunks. Later Sarah sees some of Monchichi's friends and she's like do you know your friend was kicked out. Apparently guy #1 did not. So he then went and Monchichi was there waiting for his friends. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! But pretty much the night consisted of Monchichi waiting outside while his friends were inside drinking and having fun and having girls rub up on them! Oh Monchichi when will you learn! Also in the night San Diego danced with a man name MUMBAI as a dare but our friend Chris told me that she wanted to dance with him so I did not save her from Mumbai. Instead I took pictures of them as if I were the paparazzi!! Lesson #3 A code orange is always a code orange especially with a man named Mumbai!